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about
TW : Intimate Partner Violence
'Blue Scar' was birth from both a dream and a vision that I had with my God-Self and my Child-Self. The dream I had about my God-Self came to me in 2013, I witnessed a blue god emerge from my own reflection in the water and burn everything and everyone I loved - the only person I could save in the dream was this small child - this dream came to me two days before I was almost killed by my ex-partner in 2013 .
1 year later I had a vision where I met my Child-Self in a garden, they was shy and fearful of me, eventually when they came over, I asked them the question "What is love?" and they looked at me with confusion and no expression in their face. This made me realise how disconnected I was from my Child-Self, and how much guilt I held for their harm.
After this meeting, I began a journey of healing my heart, and patiently building trust with my Child-Self. This song is about that conversation with my Child-Self that became the catalyst for healing and unlearning and relearning what love is.
It was written in 2015 in my childhood bedroom of my Ancestral home in Sri Lanka. I completed the song in 2022 at Sear Sound in NYC with 5 time Grammy award winning engineer Jeremy Loucas. The song begins with a sample of one of the 22 looms that my grandparents used to weave tapestries with - this was the sound of my childhood. This song is my way of continuing to weave a tapestry, to unify my child self & god self to relearn and reweave love. To heal old wounds and honour the scars left behind.
lyrics
I let you down child
I let you down child
Down to the ground
I watched you fall
I heard you call child
But I was small child
Couldn't take it all
We've taken the fall
We've taken the fall
Fall fall fall fall
You ask me why I stay
Why don't we go away
You let him hurt me
Over & over again
I promise I'll change one day
Hide and seek your life away
Take me down another day
How does it feel
Does the fire heal
How does it feel
Does the fire heal
Does the fire heal
Does the fire heal
Does the fire heal
Does the fire heal
Does the fire heal
Does the fire heal
Does the fire heal
Does the fire heal
Heal
Heal
Heal
Heal
We hide it
We hide it
We hide it
We hide it
We hide it
We never knew what love is love is
You're wearing a blue scar
And blue scarf to hide it, hide it, hide it
And a blue scarf to hide it
You never knew what love is love is
You're wearing a blue scar
And blue scarf to hide it, hide it, hide it
And a blue scarf to hide it
Mmm
Mmm
Mmm
Mmm
Mmm
Mmm
Mmm
Mmm
Mmm
Mmm
We never knew what love is
We never knew what love is
I
You
credits
released May 15, 2022
Written and Produced by ELSZ
Flugabone Arrangement by ELSZ & Nikki Elle
Vocals - ELSZ
Double Bass - Nikki Elle
Flugabone - Chanell Crichlow (Tubafresh)
Percussion - ELSZ
Synths - ELSZ
Mixing - Jeremy Loucas, Nikki Elle and ELSZ
The brilliant Madison McFerrin unveils her first full-length, a lush pop-soul triumph full of gorgeously textured songs. Bandcamp New & Notable May 7, 2023
